omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
