Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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