Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
