OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i drank out of a bidet.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
