We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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