How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
