i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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