u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
