Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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