Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
