i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
