I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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