I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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