I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
