I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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