The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
