Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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