Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
