remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
