I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
