sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
