There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
