you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
