She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
