i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
