I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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