Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
