i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
