Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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