I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
