so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
