Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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