I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
