they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
