I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
