I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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