I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
