i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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