He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
