I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
