I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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