My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
