U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
