actually, I'm a sock model
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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