I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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