I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
