did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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