Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
