I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
