Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
