No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
