He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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