You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
