help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
